nomoredavid

He came, with this smile on his face, sparkling eyes that seemed they wanted to say something, and sat down on her side. He said nothing special but the most common greetings. She smiled back at him, couldn´t say anything but look at those shining blue eyes. She must have been dreaming! He broke the silence and talked about the coincidentally meeting last week. Coincidentally because they never met except it was meant for. He talked about how ridiculous the demonstration was, lacking of organization and seriousness. He talked about it in such an unpersonal way that her concentration was totally misled and she could only recall the scene and say I agree. But she was still straight enough to comment that his new look was pretty and to ask how his girlfriend or former girlfriend was doing. She discovered that they broke up when she left some time ago. I must have been thinking too much, she thought. It´s nothing but a coincidence just like last week.

She came, surprised that he was sitting there outside with another boy, smoking. He was obviously in a very good mood that he invited her to sit down with them. She never expected herself to be nervous in front of any boy, but she broke the cigarette he just offered her and what was more, the fire of the cigarette went out after a few seconds. Oh is everything ok, sweetheart?! He asked. Sweetheart! Did he say so intentionally just to make a show before his friend? She knew that she was attractive to many men and she was used to it that men liked to flirt with her even if it was only a show. But this time, her heart was trembling. The best way to hide is to show, this was always her motto. So she answered with her trained belle-look face, it’s a long time since I’ve been sitting together with two young good-looking men. They all laughed. She didn’t know and didn’t want to know if he took it seriously.

There was the time when they met quite often- but never privately. There was nothing between them that couldn’t be seen or told. However she was never a coward to show it directly to any men she found interesting. She dared to look into their eyes, she dared to observe them publicly. She never really cared what others said or thought. So did she do it with David. Actually after that only one time, she never felt nervous again in his presence. She just observed him. Observed him whether he also had an eye on her. But he did it so cleverly that she never found out anything. I must have been thinking too much, she thought. But his eyes, oh those shining blue eyes, they could melt me when they stare at me.

There came this chance that all of them went together to a party. The bar was so empty that one could count the people in there. She was the last one arrived so she took the chair at the edge of the circle where people sat. He came. He saw her coming and took another chair to sit down beside her. At one moment she even felt proud. Proud that the best-looking boy consciously chose to sit by her when his best friends, above all female friends were there. She felt the curious look from the people but the silence of him too out of the loud music. Suddenly a stream of indignation raised and replaced her pride. Why does he always choose a place near me and say nothing? Nothing but only meaningless words. Her pride was deeply hurt because she never experienced being interested in a man and being not interesting for him. What was worse, she couldn’t even tell if he was interested and when yes, she couldn't grasp the moments he showed it either. How could I be so stupid and cheap? She almost abused.

Then there came the day that they had to meet again. All of a sudden he showed his joy seeing her coming. She realized that things relating to him were just out of her control and she had to accept it. He even said that he was happy to see her again and being her friend. She was surprised and at some point disappointed. She was not sure if it was a welcome signal that he called her friend. Fortunatelly that was a very busy day so she didn’t have enough time to think it over. Days went and came, they met and parted and nothing had essentially changed. And then came this moment, which she hated from then on. It was a common joke they made when two Davids sat at the same table. They joked that she was so in fond of David that she almost stuck to him. But it was not the David whom she wanted to stick to. And she couldn’t find any word to joke back. If only he had ever dropped her any hint! But he just sat there and looked at her, with those mysterious eys which could make her faint. He said nothing and didn’t even give a smile. He should have known that they were joking! She thought. But she never knew what he was going to play.

She was leaving again. Everybody knew it. There would be the last chance on the ball if anything was ever going to happen between them. She was excited. She didn’t know herself whether she really wanted something to happen. I just take those memories with me when I’m gone if nothing happens tonight, she thought, and it may be not that bad because it won’t hurt at least.

This time he came too late. And this time he didn’t sit down beside her. He didn’t even waist any time to greet her paying attention. Instead, he flew around like a butterfly, talked and laughed, made jokes and flirted with every girl. Every girl except her. It hurt so! It hurt so that she could cry out loud. It hurt so because she didn’t know how she should interpret his behavior. Was he doing so because he was jealous of David? The wrong David? Or was he doing so because he really didn't care about her? She was so confused. She knew she looked even prettier that she attracted the attention of many. But most of all she wanted to hear something from him. And he said nothing. He just walked here and there with his sunglasses on drinking alcohol and she couldn’t find out if he ever looked at her. Or only looked at her the whole time. But her eyes never stopped following him. How good he looks! She thought, and this is something that I never had before, trapped only by the appearance of a man, by his eyes, by the way he looks at me. Unexpected like always he came to her back and almost touched her, they went together to hear a song or two. She felt kind of safe when they sat beside each other, but neither did he look her into the eyes nor give her that caress she had dreamed of for so long. They went separately and met again in the corridor. He made a loud whistle as he caught her around the corner but she ran ahead without answering anything. She was too proud to go the first step without hundred percent knowing been running after. She kept on talking and dancing with others. She deserved her fun. But despite all the fun she had that evening, she felt emptiness. The later it was, the more alcohol they drank, the more distance there was between them. He came out, she went in, she came out, he went in. He rather sat or stood towards her than beside her. He had fewer to say than he already did. But he looked into her eyes. He looked into her eyes that made her want to cry. What was he thinking about? What was he trying to figure out? Why didn’t he talk to me? What if it was all my imagination? She couldn’t stop asking these questions although she knew it was no use. Because time was running up and she was leaving. Taking those memories with her or leaving them there behind, there was no difference. Because she knew from then on there was no more David.